Tenants of Privateering

At the Gulf Coast Privateers Association we do not believe in making hard and fast rules for Privateers to live by. We do however suggest that potential Privateers to study the following tenants of Privateering and do their best to embrace them in a manner which suits them best.

1) A Privateer should increase their own carbon footprint. An increase in global temperatures means more area for high seas lunacy. It's an inevitability so why not lean into it and find something good, a pirates life, in global warming

2) Jovial Nihilism. Just because existence is pointless doesn't mean we can't have a good time

3) Alcohol. Lowered inhibitions are an important part of the pirate's life.  Plus let us not forget  that

Stay tuned for "The Privateer's Guide to Drinking Alcohol"

4) Privateer Holidays. Privateers don't get many days off. Debauchery doesn't sleep although it does pass out from time to time. That said we at the G.C.P.A. endorse the following holidays. On December 23rd Privateers are encouraged to celebrate Festivus. This can be done in a traditional with feats of strength and a pole or by drinking massive amounts of alcohol. It is even better when both are combined. 

On December 24th Privateers should celebrate Ludachristmas by having a bar crawl. This is to be considered both an act of pleasure and charity. There are many bartenders, the worlds most noble profession, who have to work that night and there are far too many people who spend that evening with their families severely cutting into a bartenders income. This should be considered unacceptable to all Privateers 

A Privateer should be good and hungover after proper celebrations on the 23rd and 24th so on the 25th stay home eat pizza and enjoy a Star Wars marathon.  We suggest starting with Rogue One and then watching from episode IV forward. Episode III is also acceptable to add in only because Palpatine truly embraces the joy of a pirates life 

However Episode III should be added in as a flashback after Empire and before Jedi. 

Privateers are also encouraged to celebrate May the Fourth and Revenge of the Fifth because Han Solo and Lando Calrissian are true Privateer heroes 

5) Pizza. Pizza is the world's most perfect food. Three or more toppings on a pizza is to be considered fine dining. Anyone who disagrees with this is not worth a Privateer's time. For further detail look for "The Privateer's Guide to Dating"

6) Football, the one true sport. It is important to support players that exemplify the pirate life style from the dearly departed patron saint of pirates Ken Stabler

to current players who haven't lost their ability to thoroughly enjoy and appreciate their status as modern American pirates

7) Politics. Privateers should only support the candidate who's election would be really, really, and we cannot stress this enough, really funny. 

Future Senators? 

we can only hope

With this in mind G.C.P.A. is taking the rare step and endorsing a candidate for the 2024 Presidential Election in 2017 by starting an exploratory committee for Gronk 2024

8) Bruce Campbell is America's greatest treasure. Should society collapse, fingers crossed that it does, all Privateers should make their first priority ensuring that Mr. Campbell is safely aboard a G.C.P.A. vessel 

9) Embrace your own superficiality but don't be a hypocrite. If you are going to be superficial at least put in the effort and partake in the "Privateer's Workout". Stay tuned for a detailed description of the "Privateer's Workout". Sneak preview it involves a cask of rum toss

10) Humans are generally the worst. 

Do not under any circumstances try to convince humans of anything or concern yourself with their actions or well being. To do either would just waste your time and misplace energy that can be better used to make your life more enjoyable. Your enjoyment is all that really matters. For further detail look for "The Privateer's Guide to Humans" 

It should be noted that while your enjoyment is all that really matters it is improper to do anything that inconveniences or harms, either physically or financially, a human. This would give Privateers a bad name. Now should society collapse doing some more nefarious things, whether to protect Bruce Campbell or ensure a better life for you and your fellow Privateers, maybe necessary however as of now be nice  

These tenants provide a good basis for a life of high seas adventure.

Find us on Facebook at Facebook.com/GCPrivateers

Introduction and Mission Statement

With the United States pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord the inevitable increase in sea levels caused by the existence of humans may occur even faster than expected. With that in mind we chose today to proudly announce the formation of the Gulf Coast Privateers Association a group dedicated to adventure, excitement, and high seas lunacy.

We at the G.C.P.A. have been lobbying in secret to encourage the burning of more fossil fuels and have dedicated ourselves to increasing our own carbon footprint with the idea that rising sea levels will create an environment that is more conducive to our chosen way of life. It is because of this that we today commend President Trump as his actions may one day lead to a world where privateering is made great again.

Combining the events of today with the commendable appointment of Scott Pruitt to lead the E.P.A.it has become clear that now is the time to start expanding our ranks. If you are dedicated to debauchery, have a love of tropical locations, know how to pour a good drink, and think eye patches are cool

                       

Then we are looking for you to fill the roles of Sea Wenches and Scallywags 

Check us out on Facebook at Facebook.com/GCPrivateers